11 a.m.

this morning

186.6 lbs

closer and closer

curiouser and curiouser

tested MarilynM look today…attracted so much attention I could have died

will post picture

Dear girl who used to be my friend

You never want to be someone’s option, but you make others feel as if they’re yours.

You used to be kind, and sweet, and funny…a joy to be around.

Now, the thought of you just pisses me off.

Dear chick, who forgets others when it’s convenient

You’re beautiful, and confident, and you don’t really need to seek attention.

You need attention as much as you need the people who love you…

not at all.

Dear girl who made my days brighter

I haven’t seen you in so long.

Dear miss

I’m done.

(Source: taylorlynn000, via homicidalkitty)

(via fairy---land)

(Source: ta-nizzle, via rebelle-complexe)

(Source: mooneternalpower, via rebelle-complexe)

so last night I made the decision to increase how much I eat. all the things I didn’t want to happen were happening..going down to only 800 cals and the dizzy spells have been getting frequent. my ED was creeping back up on me, almost 10 years after walking away from it. no fucking good. and even worse, my metabolism has slowed, thus slowing my weight loss down from 2-4 lbs a week to .2-1 lb. that’s unacceptable.

so today, I decided to allow myself 1100, to ease back up to healthy 1200. Small things every few hours to put the calories in me slowly, praying I don’t put on weight in this process. funnily, I feel great! I have lots of energy (even with MJ by my side all day ;) and I’m looking forward to a work out.

I’m seeing this was a good idea.

(Source: hawlaitsjordan, via rebelle-complexe)

two years worth of change

funny thing is, not only do I not see much, but I’m so unhappy with myself still